ppd.

ok, so as much as i LOVE my child and i do love him more than anything else in this world, i feel like something is just a little off...

i really havent felt like myself since i had him. dont get me wrong, i couldnt be happier, i have a wonderful healthy little boy, and an awesome husband that would do anything for us. so why do i feel like i could just cry at any moment?

talking to another friend today that also recently had a child made me realize that a lot of women feel this way. but why? is it totally that our hormones are just that out of whack that we go a little crazy for awhile? and if it is that common, why do i feel bad that some part of me is unhappy when i should be absolutely ecstatic? and really, i dont feel sad, i just feel like i could use one good big cry for some reason... i dont even know why.

and i think that when post partum depression is discussed before you give birth, or even at your 6 week check up, doctors shouldnt ask you if you feel depressed, because thats not the word. i feel like they should ask you if you feel like youre back to your old self. because if i had been asked that, i wouldve said 'no, actually, now that you mention it, i feel a little off...'

its hard being a new mom. and not even the 'mom' part of it, its everything that goes along with it. its feeling like youre no longer really connecting with your friends, or wondering if your husband really is still attracted to you even though there are parts of you that are much softer(uglier) than they were before, or even if youre a good mom. there are so many uncertainties that make you feel like a totally different person. i was pretty confident and sure of the person that i was before i had my son.

so now i dont know if im unsure about myself because my situation itself has changed, or because i have.