a letter.

dear pregnancy fairy,

while i was frustrated that it took nearly a year and a half of calls and broken appointments, i am pleased to say that when we finally worked our schedules out to discuss the situation at hand, i am very satisfied with our agreed upon arrangement. happy that i am finally pregnant, i must admit that i would like to again sit down with you to discuss future arrangements. i feel as though you unrightly took some advantage of my naievity.

i did not know that i was to negotiate things such as morning sickness and nausea, headaches, skin ailments, sciatica pain, hip pain, breast size, and mood swings. i happily agreed to all above mentioned items as you smiled with what i can only look back and call secret glee at my immature and unknowing happiness.

having almost reached the halfway point in my pregnancy, i am finally realizing that the past 19 weeks is not exactly what i had expected. of course like most women, i assumed i would experience some morning sickness and fatigue that would 'magically' disappear once i hit my 13 week mark. i had also heard that i may go through some slight aversions to food and smells, but in no way was i prepared to gag everytime i blew my nose.

i think that with my next pregnancy i will be more assertive in my requirements:

• i will require a guarantee that if i must experience morning sickness, it will last no longer than the standard first trimester assumption.
• i will also need some assurance that i can blow my nose without any negative side effects.
• i would like to request that since my hips are clearly preparing for baby with this first pregnancy, they will not go through nearly as much pain in any future pregnancies.
• i would love to completely avoid the entire possibility of placenta previa.

with these criticisms, i do not want to seem ungrateful in anyway. i could not be happier that i have a baby on the way that is, by all current standards, healthy. i am so anxious for may 12th when i get to find out whether you have blessed us with a boy or a girl, and we cannot wait for the last week of september to see what day you have chosen for our little one to make his or her grand entrance.

in short, i am happy with your work pregnancy fairy, but in the future i do have some minor suggestions. i will be in touch soon to discuss arrangements to come within the next couple years, and as proof of my satisfaction with the situation, i have passed along your information to quite a few other women that i hope will help in my future negotiations with you.

thank you,
krp