ok, i have to admit that the only reason im making a blog entry right now is just to show off how adorable my baby is... i know, im such a mom. but geez, how cute is this little man? and i was so absolutely worried that i would not make a cute baby.
i decided the other day that i think i might have been kinda different throughout my pregnancy... never once was i really scared about how i would be as a mom after he was born, and i think thats a pretty normal worry that most new moms have. but the second we were left alone with him in the hospital, i was totally scared that i was gonna do something wrong; and that was in the hospital, where there are highly trained professionals that have the ability to fix any mistake i may make with my newborn son. so imagine my fear once we were finally home and on our own...
my biggest worry is SIDS.
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
and while i appreciate that there is so much information out there on how to lessen the odds, i also kinda hate it. i feel like i am constantly reading all the different things to look out for and all the different preventative measures you can take, and it is turning me into a crazy person! i read somewhere that if your baby gets too warm he can stop breathing so keep your house at 65 degrees, but you read everywhere else to keep your baby warm because thats the way he was in the womb and he likes to be that way. and then i find myself waking up every hour of the night even if he isnt crying just to make sure hes still breathing... its enough to drive any new mom crazy.
so after three weeks i feel like ive calmed down a little. the hubs and i even left the little man with my parents for a couple hours last night so we could have a mini date, but of course we missed him an hour into dinner. hopefully my confidence will continue to slowly build up and my craziness will start to fade away, but i doubt that will happen anytime soon.
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I still to this day check to see if my son is breathing. He is now 4 years old and I have a baby monitor next to his bed and mine so I can hear him breathing. My biggest fear is me waking up and him not breathing. I don't think that ever goes away! When I first had my son, I had never held a baby nor changed a diaper. It all comes with time. And believe me, I still think to myself "He is my responsibility, no one can tell me what to do with him, he is my son." I actually just said this to myself the other day while I was looking at him. It's moments like those that you will always remember! Congrats! Christy
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